Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
