hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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