it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Boobs speak an international language.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
