Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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