I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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