I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
