nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
