I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
