Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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