Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
