I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
