alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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