if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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