last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
