is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
