Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
