We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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