What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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