So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
