I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize