so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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