i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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