just survived the first fart of the relationship.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
