So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
