You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
