someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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