Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
