I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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