I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
