my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
