What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
