perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
