I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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