the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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