bring money and cleavage
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
