I wish I could punch you in the face.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
