Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
