just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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