i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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