Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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