You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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