I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
