Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
