There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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