Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
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See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize