My friends, they love my intelligence
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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