Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I enjoy the company of your penis
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
