but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
