just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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