So drunk its hurt
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
