i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
