I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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