i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
