If i come over, it means nothing
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
