If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize