Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
