My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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