his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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