I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
