perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
