I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
